Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!

A Land Rover doesnīt leak oil, it marks itīs territory.

Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.

A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...

Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (like, say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak." And lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British motorcycles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.

It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electrics. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers and hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tyres leak air, and the British defence establishment leaks secrets... so, naturally, British electrics leak smoke.

From the basic concept of electrical transmission of energy in the form of smoke, a better understanding of the mysteries of electrical components - - especially those of Lucas manufacture - - is gained by the casual user.